I don't understand the roller coaster climbs and falls in my life. I am learning that the point doesn't mean knowing the answers. The point of life doesn't mean understanding God's plan and what He is doing. He alone is the answer. He alone is life. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I don't need the answers to all of life's questions. All I need is to remember He loves me, I am His Beloved, and His promise to never leave. He will never forsake us, deceive us, trick us. However, sometimes His plan calls for us to wait. The delays and times of confusion are not unto death, but for the sake of His glory. (John 11:4) He is the most unselfish being, who longs to bring glory to Himself because He knows that in doing so it will bring us joy, success, and life.
In the story of Much Afraid's journey, the Shepherd assures her: "Do not doubt that the High Places are there, even when you can't see them. You have seen reality before. Hold on even when the mist and clouds block the view. Believe steadfastly in what you have seen. I will never forsake you. Be sure that whatever happens is a part of the plan/journey to bring you into all that I have promised."
Another quote says: "Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible; terrible in its determination to allow nothing blemished or unworthy to remain in the Beloved. The Shepherd is determined to bring me to life, whatever it takes, for my sake and for His glory."
God is growing me deeply. It doesn't look like I thought. I cannot try to understand what He is doing or figure out His ways. My perspective is like a tiny peephole. Yet, He can see above, below, behind, beside, and every way. How can I not trust that He knows best? My heart keeps clinging to the idea of truth vs. how things feel/seem to be. Oh how I need His wisdom and discernment in each moment to know the difference between the two. Following Christ isn't a one-time decision, or a prayer at the beginning of the day. It is the moment-by-moment choosing to walk in His truths. We are in a battle. We are fighters that are called to stand.
I pray for courage and His strength to face lurking lions, fears, insecurities, doubts. Living out of my feelings is not living, it is only trying to exist. It doesn't work. I swing back and forth between trusting what God says and what Haley feels every day. Only with God's help can I cling to truth, the only place of life. Death has no power over us any more, no matter how weighed down we feel. I love the truth that Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light. In Him, the burden is lifted, the chains are unlatched, the bondage is cut, and there is Freedom and Life. It is up to us to choose His perspective vs. the feelings of anything we are facing. God, please help us to trust you. Move our hearts to a place beyond the clouds, the mist, the things we see, and this worldly realm.
When I was in Italy last weekend, Katie, Allison, and I got to watch Italy play New Zealand in a World Cup game. We were in a gelato cafe, packed with many Italians eager for a victory. It has been on my mind how the game of soccer, or futbol, compares with these truths too. We can make anything relate to God if we look deep enough; For He is in all things.
In a soccer game, if the defenders don't do their job, a goal is scored. In war, if defense is weak, death happens. I keep writing about how Jesus is the only answer to life. If only Jesus = Life, then only Jesus = our Defense. Will we let Him defend us? No matter how hard we try, we will never be able to defend ourselves. The point of the Bible is to say it is impossible for us to succeed alone. That is the reason Jesus had to come. The Ten Commandments and every other rule are impossible for us to keep. That's the whole point. All of the laws/rules the Bible seems to be do not bind us to be good people. They point to Jesus. We can't do it, only He can, only He is the answer.
Therefore, in my many weaknesses, shortcomings, insecurities, and questioning times, He is the only answer. In the good times, when the sun is shining on my life and a smile is radiating, He is still my only defense. The only answer. I pray for Him to fight for me, for you, for us. Jesus, defend us and fight for us, even when we don't know we need it. May we claim our free victory in you. It is by your grace alone that we can be Alive.
God, also strengthen us as fighters. When the tables turn and we're called to opposition, may we go into battle with you. We get to seek the world, love others, and spread the greatest story ever told. Bring us to life. Awaken us. Soften our hearts. Help us remember. Give us strength to cling to the reality of you through the many times when we don't feel it. God, I am desperate for you. Keep me desperately desiring you. Stir in me a passion and persistence to stand up for you.
Thank you for going through this with me. These words are speaking to myself more than anything. It was strong on my heart to be transparent and vulnerable with you. It has been an incredible journey here in Spain, but please know that many times growing happens through times of adversity. David Crowder says, "You are not the only one who feels like the only one." Satan uses isolation as a weapon. When I feel alone, I turn inside myself and isolate. It is my prayer that we choose to dispel this lie and realize that there's a much bigger picture/reality going on, outside the way we feel. May we come Awake to it and join the ride of a lifetime!
1 comments:
Your talking about being God's beloved, and only needing Him and having Life in Him reminds me of a song by Derek Webb called "Beloved". It's beautiful. You should look it up if you haven't already.
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